I was talking with a friend and mentioned, with pride, that I had a never satisfied mindset. She was horrified. How could a mindset coach never be satisfied? It took me a minute to figure out where her strong reaction was coming from.
For her, never being satisfied meant that I was in a never ending cycle of NEEDING to achieve to confirm my worth.
For me, never satisfied means I am constantly exploring new opportunities for growth and open to many possibilities. I will always be curious about what else I could do in this world, what potential I truly have and I will never be satisfied in stopping that journey.
It was so interesting to see two different interpretations on what two words mean. It makes sense, I have seen people that self identify as “never satisfied” have drastically different results in their lives. Some people use this mindset to create amazing things in their lives and experience expansive joy and fulfillment (just because you are not satisfied does not mean you are not fulfilled). This same mindset has also crushed people and led to a life of never being enough.
Same mindset, different results. It is not the mindset that makes the difference in how this plays out in life, if it did, you would see the same result in everyone that thought this way. Instead, it is the series of operating beliefs behind it that creates the drastic difference.
If your operating belief is that your worth is based on achievement, then never being satisfied is going to result in an exhausting loop of always trying to prove yourself. You will constantly be looking for the next hit of worthiness, so you chase the next thing to do, next thing to conquer, next thing to achieve so you can keep your self worth buoyant. Otherwise, your value will plummet. Even taking a look back at everything you have achieved only brings a small amount of relief. Likely, what your brain sees is all the ways it could have been better. It fills in the blanks with all the things that went wrong too and all the failures along the way.
Now add to this need for others to see your achievement, which is what many of us do. It is both what our brain is wired to do and what society reinforces. Now, it is not enough to succeed, you also need recognition for that success. And the real kicker is that even when you do achieve something huge and receive recognition, it is short lived. Many times the brain shows us how it could have been better, how it was good, but not perfect, perhaps not “everyone” gives you the reaction you are looking for, and so you start all over again on the next achievement.
Your never satisfied mindset drives you forward but your operating beliefs costs your enjoyment of life. Yes, you might achieve incredible things, create beautiful things in your life, but if you find your value in achievement and recognition, are you really enjoying what you created? Are you really able to enjoy yourself?
This is a cycle that also keeps people on the sidelines. Why go after big goals if you place your worth in achievement of them? Talk about stress! If you do it, you get to think you are awesome, but if you fail (which is a critical part of achievement) then you are a failure. Why open yourself up to that experience? And then add the “what will everyone think” on top of it, it is no wonder so many stay small, stay quiet, stay in lives that are “good enough.”
The reality is.... Achievement has absolutely nothing to do with your self worth.
You are worthy just as you are. Your worthiness comes from your existence. You have everything you need right now to be infinitely worthy.
You are not your achievements, you are not your goals, you are not what other people think of you, you are not even what you think of yourself!
So what if instead your operating belief was that you are worthy just as you are?
That you believe your capacity is much greater than you even know?
The mindset of never satisfied now is driven from a place of curiosity and it opens up the door so many possibilities. You can explore, dream, go after insanely big goals because if you fail, you are still worthy. If other people think you suck, you are still worthy. It takes the fear off the table, it totally destroys the limits our brain set on us.
Operating beliefs are just as important as your mindset. You can create any mindset you want, but if your operating beliefs are ground in external validation, then your mindset will never lead to a place of worth and you will always be chasing your worthiness.
Before you start creating a mindset to move you forward, you first have to explore where your drive is coming from.
Ask yourself:
How do you feel fulfilled?
How do you define success?
What is your "why" for wanting to achieve things in your life?
How do you define your value?
Start to explore these operating beliefs first, then you can start to build your mindset from there.
When your operating belief is grounded in self-worth, whatever mindset you create will move propel you to where ever you want to go.
Be satisfied or never satisfied! Your worth is always from within.
